On May 3-6, I had the privilege of being among the 130 women invited to attend the MyTaughtYou Retreat. We were encouraged to come with open hearts and minds and I did just that. I went in with no expectations because I really didn’t know what to expect. I just assumed it’d be epic and it was that and so much more…
Myleik Teele, the founder of Curlbox and creator of the MyTaughtYou podcast hosted The Retreat designed to “restore, edify, and transform through a series of crafted activities and uninhibited exploration” for the second year in a row at the Nizuc Resort & Spa in Cancun, Mexico.
I can honestly say I feel as though I’ve improved, been restored and transformed all from the short time I spent in Mexico as a direct result of the masterclasses and the connections I made with other attendees. I even cried once which I was totally not expecting because I’m used to being “the strong friend” and bottling up my emotions. But Lord knows I needed a release.
Gems were consistently dropped the entire weekend but I wanted to share a few of the major takeaways and lessons I learned at the 2019 MyTaughtYou Retreat:
1. Stop letting fear lead you.
I know I’m not the only one who has a goal they’d like to accomplish but haven’t given it 100% because I’m afraid of what might happen. I can’t quit my job to pursue my passion because of these bills… I can’t start an entirely new career because I’d make less money… I have job security here so why would I give that up? I don’t know how to run a business, I’m scared I’ll fail. Blah, blah, blah.
Eff all that. You might fail but if you do, that’s an opportunity to learn and grow. And if your living expenses are what’s stopping you from taking a leap, do what Courtney Adeleye did and grind late nights and early mornings while you’re still employed. Quit your job once you’ve replaced your income.
“There’s no winning in your comfort zone.” – Courtney Adeleye
I learned that in order to get what you’ve never had, you have to do things you’ve never done. I’ve gotta stop fearing the unknown and stop being so content with the reality that I do know. Being uncomfortable is a good thing, it’s not something to be feared.
A friend of mine (Hey Crystal, girl!) already notices a difference in me and chances are, if they’re around me, others will start to observe it too. I plan to show up differently in this world from here on out. Quite frankly, I’m tired of playing it safe and you should be too. I’ve still got some things to figure out and fear may never go away but it will no longer determine which risks I take in this life. I’ve only got one and it could end at any time. It’s time to go hard for myself!
“I hate regret more than I hate fear.” – Yvonne Orji
That’s the money quote right there! So many of us were snapping and clapping when Yvonne dropped this gem in reference to her decision to pursue acting as opposed to using her degree and opting for a safe career. I’d rather take the risks and do it scared than to look back on my life years from now and wonder what would have happened if I did x,y,or z.
2. Embrace the struggle and know it’s only temporary.
Right now my life is not in any way like I thought it would be. I’m personally going through a struggle that I thought I wouldn’t be able to recover from then I heard the stories of some of the speakers and even some of the attendees and I knew I’d be alright.
In 2015, Yvonne Orji sublet her apartment while she slept on her couch because she couldn’t afford the rent. This was shocking to hear since we all know and love her in Insecure and she’s even been in a film or two. For her to have been struggling four years ago and be a new homeowner now just let me know that no matter how crappy things may seem for me right now, my bounce back game can and will be just as strong.
Any pain or struggles you’re currently experiencing will soon be a thing of the past. Attending the MTY Retreat taught me to embrace where I’m currently at and find a way to figure out how my current circumstances can and will lead me to where I’m trying to go. It’s a marathon and it’ll all be a part of your testimony so push through.
3. I’m different but not that different.
Lecrae has this song called “Outsiders” that says
Now I realize that I’m free and I realize that I’m me. And I found out that I’m not alone and there’s plenty people like me.”
Photo Credit: Mecca Gamble
Those lyrics sum up my MyTaughtYou Retreat experience in a nutshell. Sometimes I may feel like an outsider amongst those I’m accustomed to being around but I am not alone on this journey. In Mexico, I was surrounded by people with big dreams who were unafraid to live out loud. I had a lot in common with some of them and I aspire to be like many of the others.
I think it was Myleik who expressed that many of us are firsts and onlys in our families so being in a room of like-minded yet different women was needed. I felt that in my spirit because during the retreat we were able to relate to and learn from one another in a way I’ve never experienced before. And I needed that more than I thought I did. It was beneficial to see other people who looked like me who decided to go for it and others who are as ambitious as I am. It showed me that I was capable of all the things my heart desires and I am not alone.
4. Don’t be shy about talking money.
Why is money such a taboo subject? Why do we intentionally avoid talking numbers? The retreat showed me that we’ve been taught to avoid these conversations to keep us weak and underpaid. I’m off that. We should be sharing what we know about money and actively seeking information that can help us decrease our debt and increase our income. Simple and plain. I want to know what others charge for the things I’m trying to sell. I want to know much I can potentially get paid for the projects I’m working on instead of simply accepting the first lowball offer that comes my way because I think it’s the norm.
We need to constantly educate ourselves and each other. There are so many financial tips that I could offer others that would help them and I have so much to learn. If you follow me on Instagram, you may have noticed a few more finance related posts in my stories than usual and they’ll continue because I’m enlightened and I wish to enlighten.
“I love what you’re wearing but what do you have saved?” Myleik Teele
We don’t have to spend money to impress others or appear a certain way when we don’t have our finances in order. I think the rule I heard repeated at the retreat was “if you can’t buy it three times, you can’t afford it.” I couldn’t help but think about the number of times I heard people encourage me to “treat myself” to something luxurious when I was in doubt about spending money I barely had. Sure, I want to look but I also want to feel financially secure. With this new knowledge, I’ll be comfortable not attending events or buying things I cannot really afford to invest in at the moment because I know my future self will thank me for it. I also want to establish a budget for myself and stick to it.
5. Chase joy unapologetically.
Luvvie Ajayi said that the retreat inspired her to chase joy and that she wanted to work toward a life that would enable her to travel to luxury resorts and stay in villas whenever she wants. I felt that in my spirit too because the resort was amazing and it’ll make you rethink all the vacations you ever took. Just being in such a beautiful place sparked joy.
It was a sight to see. Black women everywhere experiencing luxury at a high level. Every direction I turned, I saw someone smiling or laughing and all I could do was wish for a life in which I felt we felt that way every day because we are worthy of this type of joy and we should be chasing it on a daily basis.
“As we’re chasing success, we’re oftentimes not chasing joy.” – Luvvie Ajayi
Sure, I want to make more money, buy myself a nice house and be “successful” but more than anything, I want to be happy. I want to have the type of joy I previously thought was unattainable. I want to be in healthy relationships and do work that fulfills me. These wants and desires are what I will use as fuel in my decision making. I won’t chase money, I’ll chase joy and someway, somehow the money will follow.
Some of the decisions I’m currently making in my life are going to make a few people side-eye me something serious but I’ve recently accepted the fact that I have to be OK with living a life that others don’t understand if that’s what makes me happy.
Devi Brown gave us an assignment to create a mission statement for our lives as opposed to a business and that is what I’d have to say was my favorite activity from the entire weekend. I ain’t going to lie, laying out tanning on a boat was lit too but the work that’ll go into crafting the life of my dreams is a bit more exciting.
#MyTaughtMe
These are just a few of the things I took away from the MyTaughtYou Retreat, I probably could’ve written for another hour but I’m really at a loss for words so we’re lucky I was able to get all these written. The feeling is unreal. I can’t get over the fact that I was really selected to attend something like this. I’m forever changed and grateful to Myleik and her entire team for the hard work and attention to detail that went into planning this retreat.
My roommate was amazing and the other attendees were too. It felt good to be surrounded by greatness, and even though I wasn’t as outgoing as I would’ve liked to be I did good compared to my normal introverted ways. I’m so inspired and ready to do the work needed to get where I want to go. I know I was there for a reason and I can’t recommend this experience enough. If you’ve read this or other recaps and are feeling like you need to be in the room next time, you do sis. You do.
If you’d like to find out more about how you can apply for the next retreat, sign up for the mailing list on MTYRetreat.com.