This past weekend I attended a brunch to celebrate a friend’s graduation. It was on a Saturday morning at a time when I would’ve preferred to be in bed but I wanted to go out and show my support so I got up and got myself together. When I got to the restaurant, I looked around for a table full of women because according to the Evite guestlist, several planned to be in attendance. We all RSVPd and some even let the host know they’d be bringing a +1.
To my surprise, I located my friend sitting at a table all alone. I later realized that this was because her husband had gone to the restroom but still… Where were all these other friends who had RSVPd? This isn’t the first time something like this has happened and these shenanigans are getting out of hand. It’s time to put a stop to this madness so I’ve compiled a list of four tips that are sure to help even the most clueless event attendees learn some basic event etiquette.
RSVP in a timely manner.
First things first, you need to RSVP. When people invite you places, most times they’d like an accurate count of who plans to be in attendance. This helps them know things like how much food to provide or how many seats to reserve. Let’s take my wedding reception, for example, I got RSVPs for it as late the day before the event.
Imagine having to rent additional tables and chairs at the last minute because people chose not to follow the instructions on the invitation. I honestly wasn’t as annoyed as I should’ve been about this because I was just happy to see family but knowing who was coming could’ve helped me order more shrimp because we ran out pretty quickly and they were delicious and I only got like two.
So if you plan to come to an event, RSVP to let the host know you’re coming and put it on your calendar along with a reminder. If you’re not sure if you can make it, let the host know in advance and keep them updated. If you know you can’t or don’t want to go, share that information sooner rather than later.
Show up on time (or something close to it).
When you’re a guest at a party, wedding, or any type of event please know that the time listed on the invitation is there for a reason. If the invitation says the event is from 6-9, why do some people think it’s OK to show up at 9:23? Being fashionably late is one thing but dang…
Stop treating your friends’ events like the club. You can’t just show up when you feel like it and expect to turn up. If someone pays for a venue for four hours, it’d be great for them to be able to get their money’s worth and party the entire time as opposed to spending half of it waiting for guests to show up. There is an exception to this rule. When an invitation says the party will go on from “9 until…” then you’re free to arrive at the time when you think the party will be the most popping.
Don’t show up empty-handed.
The idea of going to a wedding without a gift for the couple is absurd yet folks do it quite often. I personally don’t feel comfortable going to anyone’s event without something in hand but that’s just me. I’ve purchased inexpensive birthday gifts for people I barely knew just because I was invited to their party. That’s the polite thing to do and there should be more polite people in this world.
Birthdays, weddings, baby showers, and housewarming parties all usually require some type of gift. If you’re looking for some inexpensive gift ideas, consider a $5 or $10 gift card to a place that serves pastries, beverages or even a fast food restaurant. Pair the gift card with a note like “Have a drink on me” or something of the sort. Candles are really good, inexpensive gifts as well. You can also opt to bring a bottle of your favorite wine or liquor as a gift. This is the kind of gift that you can benefit from as chances are, the bottle will get opened while you’re there. Please don’t, under any circumstances, think it’s OK to take the bottle you brought back home with you. If you don’t bring a gift, perhaps you can offer to buy the host a drink or pay for their meal.
Everyone isn’t balling out of control and this is understandable. So if you find yourself in a position where you want to show your face at an event but can’t financially afford to purchase a gift, you should go to the event but act accordingly. If there’s food or drinks provided, you shouldn’t feel comfortable overindulging. That’s just disrespectful. I legit had someone thank me for getting them drunk at my wedding reception (it had an open bar) but I never so much as received a greeting card from them. Let’s stop doing this kind of stuff, guys!
If you don’t want to go, just say “no.”
Most of the people who were supposed to attend the graduation brunch opted to send text messages the morning of letting the host know they couldn’t make it. A couple of months ago I attended a happy hour hosted by a blogger which had a pretty decent turnout but the host kept getting distracted by her phone because people were sending messages saying they couldn’t make it. It can be pretty stressful planning/hosting an event and getting disappointing text messages and phone calls during the event only adds to the stress.
I’m no psychic but my senses tell me that at least a few of these during-the-event-texters knew they weren’t going to be able to make it long before the event started. They probably knew when they got the invitation but for some reason, we don’t feel comfortable telling people no. I’d much rather you tell me you can’t make it from jump than for me to be expecting you and you send me a last-minute text message instead.
Before I go…
I must mention that I’m not a believer in spoiling people just because it’s a holiday or because their mother happened to give birth on a particular day, but I acknowledge that time, money and effort goes into planning an event. If someone invites you to an event, try being courteous and thoughtful. If that’s something you don’t think you’re capable of doing, just don’t go. It’s really quite simple.
Gift giving should come from the heart and not happen with the expectation of receiving something in return. But if you notice that you’re always buying these for others and attending their events but when it’s time to celebrate you those same people are nowhere to be found, then it may be time to make some adjustments.
I hope you’ve found these event etiquette tips helpful. If you did, please share them with someone else who may be in need of some enlightenment. If you think there’s something I forgot to mention, feel free to share your tips in the comment section.
Thanks for reading!
