If you’re not married, are you SINGLE?

Relationships. No matter how long I live, I don’t think I’ll ever master them. Even in friendships, I tend to not be as attentive as I should be, and when it comes to romance it seems virtually impossible for me to catch a break. With this as the case, as opposed to giving relationship advice I’ll simply share some of my observations. I’ve witnessed the downfall of several unions as a result of issues that could have been avoided early on.

Here’s my theory:

Intentions and expectations are two concepts that must be discussed in detail and understood before a relationship comes into being. Oftentimes people rush into things simply because they like a person. Like is not enough. When that “like” evolves into “love,” things can get really complicated. Couples tend to sporadically discuss intentions throughout different stages in a relationship. Randomly mentioning your goals for the future or how many kids you’d like to have, for example. Unfortunately, it seems like a thorough explanation of intentions is quite uncommon for couples to share with one another. This can be extremely problematic.

If one party is planning a wedding in their mind while the other is just playing by ear, solutions are guaranteed to differ when issues arise. When one person is thinking for “we” and the other is focused on the “me” in the equation, it’s easy to see why so many folks are constantly blasting “break up” songs to make themselves feel better. It’s important to not only ask the cliche “Where do you see yourself in five years?” Consider finding ways to communicate with your partner about your collective plans for the future. If they keep drawing blanks, that’s a sure sign that things aren’t meant to be.

Expectations are what inspired the title of this post. What happens when you expect your partner to perform spousal duties because that’s how you operate? Is he/she supposed to split bills with you? Are they supposed to check-in when they’re out and about? Are they obligated to do anything? When expectations don’t correlate, doom is inevitable. Being committed to a monogamous  relationship with a person who acts single because they technically are not obliged to do anything is pointless.The old saying “treat people the way you want to be treated” doesn’t apply here. In relationships you need to love people the way they want to be loved. Be knowledgeable of their expectations and be certain they align with yours before you waste time.

I hope this helps someone because it will surely aid me in future endeavors. Are there any other factors you think contribute to a successful relationship? If so, share them below.